Amazon.com knows the end is near; free shipping on generators!

What should I assume when Amazon.com sends me an email chock full of portable generators? Perhaps its all-knowing, all-powerful ability to remember all the shit people buy from the retail site also enables it to not only predict other items I may like to purchase (books about advertising, a new laptop bag perhaps) but also predict the FUTURE.

Surely this is an attempt by Amazon.com to subtly inform customers that a nuclear holocaust is about to ensue. Of course, we need to keep this to ourselves to avoid panic in the streets, riots and people skipping showers. The world will soon be thrust into a barren, cold and unforgiving wasteland, populated by roving bands of murderous cannibals who want what's in your shopping cart, a la The Road. But, if you buy one (or 6 -- shipping's free!) generator from Amazon.com you, loyal customer, will prosper. And -- BONUS -- those generators will keep you connected to the Internets where you'll find more great deals on plywood, nails, .556mm hollow point rounds, chicken wire, The Office season 4 on DVD, SPAM, binoculars, camel skin coats and duct tape.

Thank you, Amazon.com, for sparing me and other chosen to live and rebuid. Thanks to your clairvoiance humanity will survive and live to shop another day.